“My roommate keeps eating my clearly labeled food in the fridge. I've told them three times. They apologized each time but keep doing it. I finally snapped and threw away their leftovers. Now they're upset.”
VERDICT
✅ NOT GUILTY
Your roommate has apologized three times for the same crime, which means they're not sorry — they're just buying time until their next meal. You threw away their leftovers, which is the most proportionate, poetic justice since the invention of karma. The only thing you did wrong was wait three warnings before going full refrigerator vigilante.
THE JURY — 3 votes
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